Not all marriages end happily ever after. In the United States, between 40% and 50% of couples get a divorce.
It is increasingly becoming a common experience, but, most of the time, it is a tough process to go through. There is an emotional, not to mention financial, toll that comes with the dissolution of one’s marriage.
Divorce is a huge decision. How do you know it is time to start the process of separating from your spouse?
If you find yourself in any of these situations, call a divorce lawyer as soon as possible.
You Experience Abuse in the Hands of Your Spouse
Abuse comes in different shapes and forms. You probably are most familiar with physical abuse which is when the partner hits their spouse. On the other hand, emotional abuse involves yelling, name-calling, humiliating, and putting down, blaming, controlling, etc.
Sexual abuse can happen to married people, too. If the intercourse happens without consent, it is still considered rape.
Leave your partner if you are being subjected to any form of abuse. Do not blame yourself for the bad treatment you have been receiving. If you are thinking that things will be better eventually, unfortunately, that likely will not be the case. Many abusers claim to have changed and, for a while, they might treat you kindly. However, they will revert to their old ways.
There is a Conflict that Cannot Be Resolved
Couples fight. It is normal for two people, who have different personalities and beliefs, to be in conflict. However, sometimes, the issue is not resolved when one party apologizes and offers an alternative.
Before you decide to divorce your spouse, you should first consider going to marriage counseling. A third party will mediate and help you work through the problem in a safe and non-judgmental environment. No yelling. No blaming.
If the conflict can no longer be resolved despite the help of a mediator, if it is making you very unhappy, then go ahead and file for a divorce.
A Lack of Individual Identity
Ever since you got married, you feel like you have lost yourself along the way.
Codependency, when one person relies solely on their partner for self-worth and has no autonomy, is unhealthy. A person who is codependent may make huge sacrifices to gain the approval of their partner. Their sense of purpose centers on providing the needs of their partner.
You would know that you have become codependent to your spouse if you have lost your identity outside of your marriage. You are incapable of finding happiness in things that you used to enjoy like listening to music, reading a book, watching a movie without your partner. Most importantly, your mental, emotional, and physical health have suffered to support your partner.
When you are in a codependent relationship, it would be harder to walk away from your marriage. However, it might be exactly what you need in order to regain your autonomy.
You Married for the Wrong Reasons
Sometimes, people get married not because they were in love. Other factors push two people to tie the knot. Pressure from family members, for example, or having a baby on the way, are some of the reasons why people, who may not be ready yet, get married.
Divorce might be a painful process to go through but, sometimes, it is the right decision, especially if you have experienced any of the aforementioned reasons above.